You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
