I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
