I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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