I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
