"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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