oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
