he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
