i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
