You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
