Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
