so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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