He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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