i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
