Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We left an ass print on the piano.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
