He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
