Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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