dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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