Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
