She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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