Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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