There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
