Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize