So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
