he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
