A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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