Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
