ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
