I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
