I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
