I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
