he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
