If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
