I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
