Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
