dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Couch. On fire.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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