even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
