So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this beer tastes like vomit already
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
