for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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