I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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