I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize