I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
