In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
