We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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