My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
