he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
