NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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