I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize