I will die if light touches me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i love accidental penises.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
