Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
