my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
