Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
