This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
