I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
