Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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