My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
