I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
