i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
