If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
