I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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