I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
