My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
