That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We left the knife in your bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
