Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
either way he was missing a nipple.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
