woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
