So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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