so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize