he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
