Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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