curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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