I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
