sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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