This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
